So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
