New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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