3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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