Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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