If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
