We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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