i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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