Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
