Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Is it penis luge time yet?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
