Non-Jews are for practice
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
