I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
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I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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