You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
