I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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