And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
