man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
