apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
