i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
