Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
