i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
