maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We were destined to go to rehab together
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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