His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
