I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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