I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
