I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
