Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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