No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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