What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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