after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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