She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
