I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
