Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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