Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize