I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
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i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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