I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
