No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
