I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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