WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
