your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
