New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
