1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
