What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
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I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
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I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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