put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
