How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day đđ#pensacolaproblems
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Also, in case they didnât tell you⌠there is a chicken living in your old room⌠so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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