I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
