Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
