have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
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I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
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Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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