dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
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