She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
