I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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