Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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