Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just forgot I was standing up.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
