What did we do last night that was yellow?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
