god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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