John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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