Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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