Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
