when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
