i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
