so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
