I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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