wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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