Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
