You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My pussy is not your playground.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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