There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
