I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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