I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
