my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
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Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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