GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
