The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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