I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize