Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Randomize
