It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize