new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
