they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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