Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
