i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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