East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
