and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize