After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
